She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
