At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
