We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
