Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
