Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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