The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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