I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
