think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
