if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
