I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
