Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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