Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
