I can tuck mytits in my pants
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
