I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
