Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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