shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We don't watch enough power rangers
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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