butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
