plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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