Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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