What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
