Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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