Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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