We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
