He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Success! We fucked roommates!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
