So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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