He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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