she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
