She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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