Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
