I haven't been this sober since birth.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
