Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
