I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
