You can't motorboat a personality
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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