just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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