this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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