I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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