Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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