Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
