If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
