Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
