this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
being pregnant is like rehab
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
