I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
