why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
