I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
