Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
