I just made out with a guy for $7.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
