theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
