we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm gonna have a badass scar
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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