it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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