I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
