ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize