Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
