there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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