That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
