I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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