So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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