It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
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I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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