Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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