Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
