If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
