we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
