I'm gonna have a badass scar
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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