Plan B is the new Plan A
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
