I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
