She is in my trunk
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
