I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize