I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
