So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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