I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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