if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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